You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
