Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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