She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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