if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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