You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
