also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
