You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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