are you still at the devil's house?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
