Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
