Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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