4 words: hood of his car
you would pick up someone in the library
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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