I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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