Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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