Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
