4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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