Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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