so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
