I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
