im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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