I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can I color on your dick again?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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