Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
