I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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