You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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