i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
