I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
