Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
