The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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