Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
