the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
