I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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