I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
