She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
