Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
