dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also, beer. Big fan.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
