Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
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i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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