New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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