Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
