He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I seem to have left my pride at pride
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
they're like a gay fantastic four
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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