This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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