Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
