I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
