Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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