After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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