I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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