Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Who died my cat blue again?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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