Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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