I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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