I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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