Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
