Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
