i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
