Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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