Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
