If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
