Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
