Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
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I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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