you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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