I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We got so high we made milksteak
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
