I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
