Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
