She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
