i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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