I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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