grandma shit on top of the toilet
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
