Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
