he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
