belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
