its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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