Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
