A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
