everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
