take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
