dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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