i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
