i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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