We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
