so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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