at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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