Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
