If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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