either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
