All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
