i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
