Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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