doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
