just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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