dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
