how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just sent this text using only my big toe
smell my finger.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
