his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
