The maid of honor just puked.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
