If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
