I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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